I CAN MOONWALK!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
