You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
handjob tips. give me some.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize