I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
