I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
