Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
