Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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