new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
