And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
