Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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