Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
