I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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