woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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