Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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