Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
