He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
