3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
