Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
