Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
