I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
