Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
