I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
