We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
