Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
