But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
