You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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