I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize