i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
