i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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