all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
