dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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