If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
