I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
