Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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