There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
