look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
