he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
