he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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