Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
