why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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