he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
