last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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