how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
