Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
