I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
