I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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