Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
