He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
