It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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