Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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