I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize