my sisters under your porch take her home
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
