yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
