I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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