trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
