I am in a vortex of obligation.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
