I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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