Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
