Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
