I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
