"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
