He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
