i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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