You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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