i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
