She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
