Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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